A couple of days back, I was chatting with a friend of mine about relationships and how to keep them alive. My friend was under the impression that people will get bored of each other after a certain time in any relationship. So, to keep the chemistry on, they need to keep doing something consciously about it.
My friend even gave an anology of Sachin Tendulkar. Sachin cant be praised just coz he scored 35 centuries some years back, he needs to prove himself each time he enters the field, if he doesnt play, people will obviously 'booh' at him.
But I quite dint get how this analogy could be applied to relationships. Even I do agree after the initial charm fades away its natural to take the other person for 'granted'. But getting bored of someone??? That is something new to me. I see my parents living together for more than 25 years. I've never found my dad talking any mushy talks to my mom nor getting her some bunch of gerbera flowers to keep her happy, then what is it that which keeps them going?
Are they not bored of each other?
how do I make sure someone will not get bored of me?
Is it any battleground that I need to prove myself each day?
I can be just ME :-
Sigh!
!!!
23 comments:
Quite insightful one. You are right about taking granted of relationships but that doesn't necessarily mean bored of.
I believe one doesn't have to prove (one has to differentiate between proving and showing) anything in relationship. If one does try, by doing that he/she is trying to prove something thats not originally existing.
I strongly believe there aren't only one or few things that keep a relationship strong. Its all depends on what and how you wanna see it. Btw I am no expert in this area...=)
:D
have a read!
bored would not be the correct word but I would say to its very necessary to keep the relationship alive and exciting... and for that the couple has to do something...
and in a married life you become so busy with kids, school, food, clothes, taxes, car, rent, TV, cricket match, etc etc you dont have time to get bored of each other...
married life can't be compared with a relationship... but yes its a great feling to be loved and to love someone... :-)
V...
So true! Its not actually getting bored but once you are getting to know a person, it would be exciting to know new things about him/her but as days go by, you would have known that person and so u kinda lose your excitement :)
does that make sense?
You know what? Every relationship including friendship has to kept alive. Some people do that very effortlessly and unconsiously - it comes very naturally for them...thanks the level of comfort, understanding etc etc. And that can be acheived only with time.
Yups. I posted that post in reply to your post.
Contended,
you are right!
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Virdi,
Stupendous man, ahem ahem, surprised to see a 'serious' response from you ;-)
//married life can't be compared with a relationship...
Boss, the former is not possible without the later!!!
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Ya, even i was talking about the samething naveen :|
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Exactly chitra, even i was telling the same thing,
// Some people do that very effortlessly and unconsiously - it comes very naturally for them...
But for others, when it becomes like 'proving' something, it looks very artificial and looses its charm :-|.
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thats really Great Ashish, BHESH BHALO :D
I think the boring part is dragging the relatonship further just for the
sake of it, after u have got bored with it. I think couples get bored bcoz they have explored each others geography totally and they ll be seeing same faces and geographies everyday.
We really need to sort out this problem.....
Hey Khushi!
Trust me..these thoughts are really natural!
In fact my fear always was..what if I get bored of the guy!!.
But I guess once u meet the right guy...these will fsde out on their own!
Quickie: My theory in condensed form!
There are 3 levels in a relationship. They exist concurrently. Spark, Affection & Need.
Spark doesnt happen everyday! For many, it never happens again after their first meeting. In a romantic heart, it happens slightly more often. A surprise candle-light dinner or whatever
Affection is more mature and subtle. Each other's prescence is felt and they are emotionally connected. You just love to be around
Need is physical of all kind. Of needing to cook, to earn for the other, to have children and other routine stuff. Methinks, nearly 75% of life is this. But unfortunately most of people ONLY at this level. That keeps them going?
Any comments?
hmmm... even i've wondered wat keeps all these couples going...well.. all i knw is that ur lucky if u land up wit someone u love!...
ps-can i blog roll u?
Anonymous,
hmm??? oh...
:-|
:-/
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thats really nice ekta :)
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Neatly said Ann,
No comments :-)
PS: thanks for stopping by :)
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Lakshana,
hmm :)
PS: Sure!!!
hey,
i can completely relate to ur post! I always used to wonder how our parents have spent sooo much time together without getting bored!
Now that I am married-guess I will have a chance to figure out!
Getting bored with someone ...
Happens to me all the time ...
More than just taking people for "Granted" ,...it when u start realising that ,..when he/she start talking abt topic which you really don't wanna talk abt ...
I think if the 2 persons really do complement each other(and are compatible),then they would always be working on the relationship though at a sub-conscious level.
Lol...though this Sachin analogy is quite funny...he needs 2 constantly prove himself...or else the selection board wud chuck him out ???
Hehe... i think it's more like a batsman and a bowler playing...the batsman can make it interesting by playing shots all across the field....and the bowler by changing the pace...or the style...googlies and spins!
What's important is the game shud never end and there are no winners or losers!
i really dont believe tht two ppl who love each other can get bored....if u have to consciously do something then there is something wrong......
hey.. heres sometin else i figured out...in any mature relationship u dont need flowers/chocolates/gifts to prove ur love...(now i'm not saying they shud b discarded..they r always welcome.. jus that they rnt a necessity to prove things when u reach such a level) initially its the love that keeps them going... later on.. its more the companionship or the fondness for each other that keeps them going..
nice to know that anand, all the best with your married life!
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deepa,
hmm??? interesting!
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ROL
//the batsman can make it interesting by playing shots all across the field....and the bowler by changing the pace...or the style...googlies and spins!
I agree!!
every ball is a new ball for a batsman, he'll not get bored of it :)
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Even i feel the same Jackal
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Lakshana,
hmm, ya, different stages of it :)
I think a good relationship(even marriage) is all about falling in love with same person again and again....and to achive it...one needs to make oneself loveable again and again....
Really nice thoughts kushi
hey Coolvir,
//one needs to make oneself loveable again and again
Ya, makes sense :)
Thought provoking. I feel boredom happens in any relationship only if both the people stop growing, stagnate...then they grow apart. The trick lies in growing together, as individuals and as a couple. After all, how can you be bored with a person who keeps learning, maintains a healthy curiosity and interest in the world around them, who nurtures the very essence that made another fall in love with them in the first place? Maybe idealistic, but definitely workable!
thats a nice thought Kary
Khushi..'njoy reading u. Think people don't get bored of others, rather they get bored with their own thoughts. Thoughts through which we relate to a song, to our work, achievements and people around us. It's probably the same way how one happens to like a song at a given time, and get bored with it after a while, all the same doesn't mean they won't come back ever. Think that's the beauty of relationship & the reason for their sustenance forever.
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