Ya......, are we okey with it?? Yes??????? No????????????
Here is an excerpt of the conversation between me and one of my good oooooooooooold friends….hmm, lets name him Mr.calvin (ya, this guy resembles calvin in many ways except that this he doesnt hate girlzzzzzzzzzzzz.......infact....., oh, ya, lemme take it some other day ;-)..)
Calvin: so, wt do u think about this topic khushi?
Me: Me??????? I would not mind dear, but I feel and as far as I’ve seen it’s the male ego, which will not let them accept that their wife earns more than them..
Calvin: Male Ego??! Why is it that U feel men can be stereotyped?! I do understand if someone has been really competitive throughout his life it will be difficult for him to let his wife steer the ship! But if he has loved her ……. I guess these things disappear!!
Me: Dear, its not stereotyping, but we generalize our opinions based on our observation in and around what we see. And ‘generally’ guys would not want their wife to earn more than what they do. Mebbe u don’t come under this ‘general’ category of people, and hence u can’t relate to it.
Don’t u see so many women in our middle class society have turned into housewives just to serve the ‘male ego’ of their husbands that he can take care of his family and he doesn’t ‘need’ the woman of the house to work.
Calvin: Generalization is purely based on the kind of people we come across!! Hence it need not represent the true picture. Its like a survey. A statistic say 1 out of 6 people smoke, does that mean if 6 people are standing definitely one will have to be a smoker??! I am just driving a point! To satisfy the male ego women are made to sit at home! Yeah, its possible! But listen, marriage is not slavery. A woman should have a mind of her own. Her spouse is just an intimate friend to her, Not her master! In case the woman wants to work, she can have her way! I think a woman should be independent enough to take care of herself!!
Me: Sh, I know there are “some” men, but when we talk about in general, we talk about the majority. I’m not talking about any “calvin’s” here. And do u really think women are given enough freedom to decide about their career or their life?? Which world do u live in dear? We are in a society where even today we have many houses where in the husband decides the color of the saree the wife wears. Okey, forget about such cases, lets take an example.
Say, If the husband gets a long term onsite assignment, which he considers to be the BEST THING that can happen in his life, his wife automatically will have to leave her job, her career, and go behind him and settle whichever part of the world he goes. If she is lucky enough she can have the work permit and start hunting for a job afresh, or if she’s on a dependent visa, she can be a sophisticated housewife, to cook his favorite food and produce some kids. But please tell me how many instances we find where the guy goes behind the girl resigning his job? ..
And the conversation continued and it turned into a discussion rather than a debate which is what we always land up in...
But the gist is that,
We are in this system and some things never change…
And I don’t understand, why does society assume that women only respect men who earn more than them?
Should respect be the result of money?
And why do people think that he can’t be a good husband if he can’t take care of her needs?? Boss, monetarily speaking, she can survive on her own, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t look upto him.. She does rely on him for lot of other things which really matter to her…
People will even understand if the spouses earn the same salaries, but the woman earning more than the man... that's sacrilegious!
Hmmmmpppphhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 comments:
"the woman earning more than the man... that's sacrilegious!"
This entire thought, that the society generally percieves seems primitive should I say neanderthal to the general pace at which things seem to hapenning around!
#Jay,
If you ask me, Mebbe the colour of saree thing may be(again, just MAY BE)sounding primitive, but nothing much has changed dear..
I really HAD to respond to this entry.
I'm sure what you're seeing as the general picture of society's perception is quite true. But, what you're missing, is the broader picture. The REAL picture is that things are changing across generations.
We're still in the world that has been defined by our previous generation which looked at working women as unusual "terms" in the society. But, how many women do you see nowadays that are NOT working? Yes, I agree, I need to add the adjective "single" before women, still. But, you see the point, rt?
A woman going at night to work was always considered bad in the previous generation. But, with the arrival of call centres, it's an everyday activity. Is this not a BIG change in attitude?
A society is what we, the current generation, will make of it. I'm sure, in the next generation, the terms "society", "perception" etc. would have an altogether entire meaning. It wouldn't surprise anyone in the next generation (or the one after) if people saw "househubbies" [I can already quote several example s in real life that I've come across]. But, it's just going to take time as generations change.
I can vouch for the fact that one'll definitely see "Calvin"s all over. After all, we do know, it's the love that matters and the current generation of men heed more to women's needs than did the ones before.
#venky,
yes, even I hope the same :)
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