Happy Birthday to me..

From the time I remember, my typical birthdays have been, buying a new Dress, Early morning going to temple with Baba... Going go School/College in my new Birthday Dress, evening few close friends would come home and give me gifts (the best part of the day :D), Amma would serve them Puliogare, Gulab Jamoon and a few other delicacies....Year by Year the same routine continued with a few additions like the craze of receiving calls at 12am, taking friends out for Treats etc etc... but the main skeleton of the day's plan used to remain the same...
This was the first time in all these years, I could not go to temple with Baba in the morning, that one set of friends who used to meet me at least on my birtyday every year werent around, Baba did not buy me a new dress nor Amma made any sweets for me... it was very different...and I was a little sad about that :(

On Sunday with the subtle hints by My dear Pati and a dear friend Kaur, though I knew there was some plan going around behind my back, when I got home in the evening, the plan of celebrating my birthday at IST surprised me... the house was decorated with balloons and festoons all over... there was newspapers, "London Paper" and "Bakar Times" stuck on the wall.... it was a super cool idea, though I dint like the headlines which were shouting out I was getting old ;)
After the joyful evening, when everyone left, I read a letter by Kaur and my eyes were full... it was very sweet of her... (I didnt have a clue then that, the whole gang was a part of it :))
By then, I was pretty tired and I hit the bed early.... Around 12, Hero woke me up and brought me to the hall..he said your dad has come... In my half sleep, I actually stated looking around... then he showed me in skype... my parents were online... it was their early morning 5.30 :) I met parents and in-laws online, it was really overwhelming :) Then I opened my birthday gift by Ms Rao which, with full difficulty I had stopped myself from opening last 3 days... It was a jewellery box with both our picture on top of it :d... For a technologically challenged person, it was tooo much to expect her to go online and order something like this!!! Bravo my girl!


Later, hero showed a Video which had scanned copies of hand written messages from many of my dear ones, it had me in tears :) It was such a sweet gift for a senti creature like me :)... With Hero being him, I'm sure how much he would've annoyed everyone to get that done...




When you are 5000 miles away from home, realizing that you've built a small world for yourself where you have a bunch of folks who care to take their time out to make your day special, acknowledging the fact that they are happy with your presence in their lives, what more can you ask for in Life... I'm thankful to God for this little world I've created.... Thank you guys.... you Rock!

lead kindly light....

Happy Deepavali to Everyone :-)
PS: I made this Card :D

Rheumatoid Arthritis - my experience :)

Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is a chronic, systemic inflammatory disorder that may affect many tissues and organs, but principally attacks all the joints. About 1% of the world's population is afflicted by rheumatoid arthritis, women three times more often than men.

Last year, I was carefully handpicked into this 1% of the world's population! When I travelled to Minneapolis, US in the winter, I was all excited about my first snow fall, making a snowman, seeing the white world and taking all the snow rides. But less did I know that my life was going to change for a while (or may be forever :-/). Though my stay was all that I had dreamt of, I went back to India with a gift: Joints pain! It started with the wrist and the fingers. I thought it could be RSI because of laptop usage, took medicines, physiotherapy, but it didnt work. Changed couple of doctors, and took lot of tests at the end to realize it was RA.

When I was first diagonized, I did not take the illness (just like anything else in life) very seriously, Fine, I have a problem, I need to take medicines, I'll be alright, was my thought. My orthopaedic doctor reffered me to a Rheumatologist, Dr. Satish Kalanje in Bangalore Hospital. When I first met this doctor, he explained me what the problem looks like and the only solution to it being DMARD (Disease Modifying Anti Rheumatic Drug) which comes along with lot of side effects. But a lot of times, the disease vanishes itself within 6months, so, they will not start DMARD until the disease establishes itself. So, he put me on painkillers and asked me to go back after 3 months. The only thing I had asked him was, Can I go to my Dance Class or not, he had smiled and said, wait for sometime. (heh, I still dont know how long that sometime is!)

I was told that among lot of other side effects, while taking a particular DMARD, I was not suppose to conceive. Though I was just 8 months away from my marriage and forming a family was nowhere in to the radar, the thought of the drug having any relation to pregnancy scared me. At the same time there were a lot of people whose uncles, aunties, cousins, grannys having arthritis, who condemned the idea of taking alopathy and asked me to take Ayurvedic. So, my next step was Ayurvedic Medicine. By now, my joints pain was extended to all 3 joints in each finger, wrist, knee and back and I started living on 2 painkillers a day. the problem is very werid, if you are sitting at one position or lying down without moving, there is absolutely no problem, but the moment you move a bit, it pains.

I meet a doctor, who as all other Ayurvedic doctors, HATED English medicine. He explained, this problem is because of the cold climate and the fluid which acts as a greese between the joints gets hard during cold and that is why it opposes movement of the joints. He asked me to stop the pain killers and start with his black color golis. The pain I was having was unbearable! along with this, someone suggested start taking Neurotherapy Massage. Though while getting it done, it was giving me some relief, nothing much changed through out the day.

I had started limping, everyone in office had started noticing me and asking if I was alright. I lost 6 kgs of weight in 3 months, I used to love just lying down in the bed like a dead body, at night during sleep, I used to wakeup each time I was changing the posture, because it used to pain. When I wake up, if it is early morning, I did Pranayama and then sleep again. By now, the disease had spread itself to all possible joints in my body, including the joints at the jaw. Because of that, I was not able to chew anything hard.

My grand mother who is 87 years old, used to bend and touch her hand to the ground and tell me, you also do this, its not very difficult, I could just smile and say I cant :). I remember going to a Kamath Restuarant along with my dear friend Rao and eating set dosa. Aunty later told me, she had gone home and cried in front of her seeing me struggle to chew the dosa. I remember one day shouting at my mother for adding lot of urid dal and channa dal in upma because I couldnt chew. I sometimes wonder how I managed the dance program in office, Goa trip and Dandiya during last Navratri when I had so much pain. One thing that stands out of my memory is having panipuri with my cab gang in office Cafetaria and not able to open my mouth fully for even the smallest puri :(. I'd gone to the ladies room and cried that day :(. February was my wedding and it was November when I was still limping, not able to sit on the floor, not able to climb the stairs etc.

That was when it dawned on me, that I should get back to allopathy. thats when I realized, let me be relieved of the pain, I shall battle the side effects, and let ME survive first, and then, I can think about problems related to conceiving :). So, I went back to Dr Satish Kalanje again. Got nice scoldings from him for ignoring the disease. Last 6 months of not taking any medicines for the disease had taken its toll. The ESR count which is supposed to be 0-20 for a normal person and was 35 for me in the beginning, had gone upto 100 when I went to him. I started with Methotrexate (DMARD) in December and slowly I started recovering. By the time of my wedding, though I wasn't able to sit on the floor, I could dance happily on the DJ nite, previous day of wedding ;). I did not know being normal was so exciting :)

I dont know if i'll ever be able to go for trekking, or join back my dance class, the disease might actually come back in the winter, especially now when i'm in a colder country. But you know, I have seen the worse, so, I should be able to manage even if it gets a little bad :). Besides Parents, I owe a lot to Aunty, Rao, Nichu, Joyee, Manju and Hero for all that they are :) Thanks for being the pillars of my strength! Only those who saw me during those days, knew how I was. I feel happy when I look back, I didn't do that bad after all :)

PS: I have not exaggerated or made RA look bigger than it is. This is what is my experience has been and may be if someone is diagonized and starts the medication immediately, they will not have to go through all I did :)

Our First Ugadi

"Ugadi" is New Year per Hindu almanac. yuga+aadi, yuga is era, aadi means start thus meaning start of an era. It marks the onset of spring, the first season of the year, hence also heralding a new year and a new beginning. (remember the Yuga Yugadi kaledaru Yugadi marali barutide song?.. ah... so fresh that is!)

This is the first Ugadi after I'm married. Typically the newly wed couple are invited by the girl's parents to celebrate the festival in their house. But for me, the first Ugadi goes back to....

It was the year Hero had proposed.... he wanted us to meet as it was OUR first Ugadi. Since he was working that day, we'd planned to meet in the evening at Forum. Just to surprise him, I thought i'll try something new and planned to wear a saree... Now, atleast people from my planet know how difficult it is to manage one! So, when I was busy fidgeting with it, I get some 10 calls. (And since it was those days when I'd not declared anything at home, I had to keep it a top secret that I was going to meet a friend on a festival day). So, I ignore the calls as I'm already late. and just when i'm out of my house and wait to take an auto, I get a call from the angry Hero telling he has enough work to do, he is heading back from the office bus stand assuming i'm busy. I was like, huh! okaaaiii fine, I thought i'll surprise you and blah blah blah... blup... I hang up... just in 2 secs, another call, I'm starting now, will be there in half an hour... and I went to Forum Mall all red faced... Hero comes, 15 min late and hands me a single looooong white flower with a sheepish grin. (u know the flower which is normally used along with other flowers to decorate a bouquet?). I was a little puzzled, i'd not seen anyone buying that flower, but u know guys right? so.... u never know! but later, when I heard the story, I was all smiles :) :) :)...

Apparently, when Hero reached Forum, it was as it is late and he went in search for a florist. And since he did not find any, he went and offered the receptionist a deal. That, he would buy her 2 day old bouquet which was kept on her desk for the original price as it was a total emergency situation... (I still don't believe he did that!). That lady bluntly declined the offer (ha ha ha I can imagine what she'd be thinking :-?) but asked him to pick a flower if he wished. Since all other flowers were pretty old, he had to pick this flower with a sly smile :-)

and, that was the story of OUR First Ugadi :-)

This year, the year we are actually married, he isn't around to celebrate it... :-(

You know, a unique aspect of ugadi is the distribution of Neem and Jaggery (its called “Bevu-Bella”). It symbolizes the fact that life is a mixture of different experiences (sadness, happiness, anger, fear, disgust, surprise) , which should be accepted together and with equanimity.... and that explains... :)

Happy Ugadi to ALL of you :-)

and Mr Husband, ningunu :-)

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||__........!

Yet another year...just another day...

Sambedu,
Ragh,
Chithu,
Nisha-Sindhu,
Vasanthi Maushi,
Ketan,
Lakshmi,
Sangita,
Ranju-Aunty,
Joyee-Aadil,
Sachu-Rajani,
Christo,
Bhatta,
Shyl,
Deepa,
Nannu,
KK,
JyoRa,
Amritha,
Prasad,
Vidya,
Jayalatha,
Neetha,
Pooja,
Narendra,
Padi,
Manju,
Jumboo,
Supriya,
Shishira,
Mannu,
Vani,
GTO,
Poo,
Suchitra,
Shyamala Maushi-Mama,
Manasa-Kailash,
Ash,
Hebri,
Deepa & Guru...
Thanks a ton..... all of you all :)

loving life....living example...:-)

After BITS life, I had thought having 'friends' in office will be a thing of past... I was mentally prepared to have just 'colleagues' around me... But I was wrong! Though we are not in the same lunch group, we kinda gelled well pretty soon. Its like you just connect to some people in no time, you dont need any special reason. She is a huge bundle of energy running around the whole floor, spreading a contagious smile where ever she goes...Every morning I pass by her seat just to see a glowing face which says good morning sweetu :-)...

One such morning I pass by her seat, she is holding a box of home made sweets and asked me to eat it fast, as she'd not got too many and couldnt give it to all... The foodie that I am, started munching it and asked her, whats special today dearie? she says, its my hubby's bday today :D with a wide smile...(* :-( :-( :-( *).. I havent seen her hubby... none of her new friends have seen him... She came to Bangalore to shoo away the memories of his illness and his death...:( I just couldnt swallow the sweet and tears just ran on my cheeks.... She said phat, buddhuu, chal kaam kar...

Sometimes I dont know how to react! should I be speechless just to realize how much she is living in and enjoying her past, or should I tell her to move out of it and think less about it because the more she is attached to her past, the more she can not think of her future? I have a few friends of mine who are separated... very easily I can console them telling the other person did not deserve them, they would get a better pair soon and so on... In this case, I cant even tell anything, I just feel helpless...

Sometimes life can be so cruel, yet some people have the courage to bounce back, smile and say it happend :-)
Its nice to see such people :-)

when the music changes, so does the dance...

My dad was(is) a great fan of Vijayanti mala bali and Hema malini's dance and he had thought one day even his daughter would become a great dancer. So, even before I could think whether it interests me or not, I started my 'thaiya thai'(that is the first step in Bharatanatyam) when I was 6. But absolutely no complains, I thoroughly enjoyed it :). Be it a Farewell party for a teacher or the Annual day at school, I used to be on stage all the time :).

Even from our dance class, we used to give lots of performances, but more than that, we were all enjoying the practice sessions a lot. We had a famous ballet called 'Daiveche' (which was on atma linga of GOKARNA) which we had peformed 13 and a half times ;). I shall blog about this 'half ballet' again as its a long and interesting story in itself!. I cleared a couple of dance certifications and got scholarship for 3 years from Karnataka State :).

When I started my PU, there was lot of pressure as that was supposed to be the turning point in ones life as told by the whole world and I had to quit dance! May be I could have managed it together, but frankly speaking, I never felt anything then, May be I'd taken it for granted :-. After sometime, I started realizing that may be I should continue it again, but thanks to the college I studied, I had to go to tuitions whole day to get atleast a 35. Tell me something, how is studying Transducers and Instrumentation (a subject in 5sem) helping me in my life today? ah... all credits to the VTU syllabus! And after BE, I was more concentrating on a job, career et al...

Now, with a new job, I thought I shall start dance too, but this time I wanted to try something new, so I thought of joining ODISSI :D. I started my 'tha ithi thaka dhimi tha'(the first step I learnt in Odissi) now when I'm 26. Gosh! I'm sure my first step at 6, wasnt this difficult at all. An Unfit body, a bad stamina, abundant fat all over, but still there is something which is making me look forward to every weekend for my classes. I dont think I can be (rather I dont even plan to be) a great dancer as my dad had thought, for that matter, I dont even know how long I can continue it because of the nature of my work, but I guess I'll give my best to learn and I shall enjoy every bit of it until i'm doing it :-D.

On a lighter note, there goes a chinese proverb, 'We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance ;)' he he

START.. STOP... or CONTINUE...

I joined a new organization 3 weeks back. CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!
Among the few things which I've noticed here, there is one particular practice which caught my attention. The Quality assurance team have formulated a practice called 'START, STOP or CONTINUE'. At a regular interval of time they consult each team and get the information on the New/Worst/Best practices of the organization and depending on the statistics obtained, they repair the processes.

hmm, it seemed pretty interesting and I thought I'll apply this on to ME, based on my learnings from the last year :)

I think I should,
START...
- being more sensible in my decisions than being just sensitive about my emotions.
- improving bigtime on money management.
- my gym regularly(damn this man!).
- redefining the rules of friendhip as the definition I have is totally outdated! May be the perception I have needs to be changed. I realized I should be less college-ish with my friends and understand that each of us have our priorities, our space, our life and I should not interfere in theirs and expect them to act as expected!

STOP...
- thinking ONLY about me and do some small compromises to show my care to the people who care for me.
- losing my self-respect in front of any (damn) emotion!!!
- breaking my head on small issues as life is actually too short to waste on silly things/people. I should realize Ignorance is bliss at times!
- being so careless about me and the people around me.

CONTINUE...
- to live life to the fullest!!!

phew! my list is done. I'm not sure if i'll follow all these religiously, but I shall definetely TRY!!!.
I might succeed or I may fail miserably, but so what, next year is always there to Start, Stop or Continue :)

Happy New year to all of you, May all good things come your way :)

Vermissen du...... :(

Surprise............ :D

One of my favorite quotes is,
"life is full of surprises, but never when you need one..."
huh????
who says so....

Bugged of this mundane life which makes me sit in front of the boring black monitor whole day, I was feeling so low from past 2-3 days. Today, around afternoon, I get a call from the reception telling I have a visitor. I go and see, I have a sweetest friend of mine waiting for me with a smile and holding a pink gerbera in hand :D and the best part is my friend even joined me for lunch :D
WOW!!! was I jumping with JOY or what...
The gerbera is decorating my desk, and each time I have a look at it, it undoubtedly exchanges a smile with me :)
Some times such small gestures means soooooooo much :)
hmm,
Some people make life seem so beautiful by just being a part of it :)

The Last Leaf…

RANGA SHANKARA is holding a theatre festival called Ranga-Shankrathi as a part of their New Year and Pongal celebrations. I’d heard a lot about this theatre but this is the first time I went there. Myself and a friend of mine somehow managed to creep into the theatre by 7.20 as we knew they’d close the doors by 7.30 and won’t let anyone in after that. I’d never seen a theatre so well organized, the strict timings, the neat seating arrangements, making people switch off their cell phones and all that.
I went there for a play called Last Leaf, a story by O’ Henry.

The Story revolves around 3 main characters, Johnsy, Sue and Berman. Johnsy and Sue were friends and were living in the same house. They had similar interests in art and had a studio for themselves. Mr Berman is an old painter who used to live in the ground floor of the same building. He is a big boozard and always talks about some masterpiece which he is intending to do.

In the cold winter of November, Johnsy is attacked with Pneumonia and it gets so severe that the doctor tells Sue about the chances of Johnsy’s survival are one in ten and that one chance is her want-to-live. When Sue gets back to the room, she finds Johnsy counting something looking at the window. When Sue asks her as to what she was doing, Johnsy replies telling she is counting the leaves in the Ivy vine on the brick wall outside the window and she is sure she’d die by the time the last leaf falls from the vine. Sue gets very irritated to hear this but feels very helpless at the state of her dear friend on whom even the doctors had lost hope.

Sue comes to Mr Berman's house to ask him to pose for some of her painting which she was supposed to do for an advertising agency. She finds Berman stinking strongly with his gin, and one corner lay his white canvas which is waiting since years to receive his masterpiece. Berman learns from Sue about Johnsy’s pneumonia and the story of her last leaf of the Ivy vine and laughs at it. That night, Sue makes Berman pose like a hermit for her painting but finds the gusting wind and a fierceful rain which makes Berman head back home.

The next day Johnsy wakes up with a sure thought that the last leaf in the vine would have fallen coz of the rain which had poured all night, but for her surprise finds it clinging to its vine strongly. The same story repeats for another two days and Johnsy starts sensing that something has made the last leaf stay strong at its stem, which may be giving her a message that she was wrong looking forward to die. And this sudden realization, the want to live, makes her overcome her fears and she starts recovering from her disease.

The next day, they learn that Mr Berman died out of Pneumonia. He was found with a lantern, a ladder, some scattered brushes, and a palette with green and yellow colors mixed on it. The reason for the last leaf seen from the window, which was unshaken by the winds and was never fluttered by the rain was coz, it was a painting of Berman, his Masterpiece, which he painted the night when the last leaf fell…

The story was so very touching… I was almost into tears when I heard the last dialogue telling it’s the masterpiece of Berman… through out the play there was a song telling ‘Life is to Love, Life is to Live…’
How very true it is, Most of the times we are trying to be Johnsys just fearing about the last leafs, we often forget to LOVE the LIFE, being bermans is quite not possible for everyone, but atleast we can LIVE our life by not just waiting for that Last Leaf…

O Henry….^:)^

New..........

2005…..A year that was…
Few bitter experiences... A little more-than-few sweet moments…
Meeting new people… Strengthening the bond with the old ones…
Feeling lonely at times…. Jumping around with friends most of the times…
Practicality winning over emotions…
Hmm… quite an eventful year… :)

Here comes the New year……
A clean slate to draw what ever I wish…
New dreams...
New Hopes...
New Goals...

Happy New year to all :)

Smile…… & the world smiles with you… :)

Last week when I’d gone to Udupi, I was traveling in Konkan railway to Murudeshwar beach. I’d not got window seat, so couldn’t stare outside the window much. Ish, how much I love sitting next to the window in journeys and go into my own lala land, but there was this sadu looking creature sitting next to me, and i dint even feel like asking her for that seat. The only way to kill time was to read the boring magazines which we’d bought just before boarding the train. The same old gossip, glamour, humour was damn bugging, so I closed the book.

Diagonally opposite to me, there was a lady holding a very small baby in her hand. The baby was not falling under any of these shoooooo shweeeeeeet, chooooo cute category. It was little dark and they’d put black dots all over its face. (They put these black dots on their face so that people don’t cast their eyes…poor babies, they are so cute otherwise :-). This baby was starring at me from quite some time. I gave a smile and nodded my head at it, and it gave smile back. It had only 2 teeth and was looking damn cute with that smile.

I was just wondering at certain things…When we were small, has anybody taught us how to smile?? has anyone told us that if u widen your lips, it’s a gesture to show you are happy? NO? In that case we all must have come to this earth knowing how to SMILE...then why do we hesitate so much?... I myself realize so many times I come to office, wish people around me a 'good morning' with a I-can-smile-only-so-much face (sheesh, such an artificial smile).... its different that i keep giggling throught the day when with my friends... but just to become 'formal' or 'professional' why do we restrict ourselves so much...

we all know its just a small curve which can set things straight and yet we keep it within....

"If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give. ."

"Smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips ;-).. says a profound friend of mine...

"The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.." (should i add with your dress?? ;-)

"Smile.. it improves your face value..."

"Life is a camera, face it with a smile :)"

"Smile.... and the world smiles with you... :D "

'Deepa'vali....

3 days at home for the festival of lights!!!
Diwali is the festival which spreads the flame of happiness all over and is celebrated with lot of fun... its a time to exchange gifts...a time to have lots of sweets keeping aside the worries about callories(arrey, diwali hai bhai, it comes once a year!!!),
Usually My Diwali's dont go as happy as any other festivals...Most of the times I'll be drowning in some thoughts when people around me are having fun with crackers and lights...and this year was no different...the thoughts of comparison between my arjun and the real ones was breaking my hopes into peices...was finding difficulty in accepting realities..many other thoughts were pondering in mind... Mom had prepared lots of grub, and I was least bothered about eating them(yes you read it right, very less i'll use this 'least bothered about eating' line :))
But this diwali ended differently..I went to the balcony around 9 in the night with my walkman after convincing mom that i'll be careful with rockets...This is the place where i feel my best... me and my solitude :).... It was slightly drizzling... Moon was absent in the star studded sky.... radiocity was playing all my favourite numbers for a change... and last but not the least there was amazing fireworks... they were really colourful, sparkling, dazzling beauties... It was as if someone is bursting all these just for me and just to make me smile :)..... I was always against 'crack'ers... I used to feel its a waste of money.... but then i realized this is the colourful way of burning your money ;-)
Happy Diwali to all :0)

Small things in life...

How very true!!! We often forget that there are so many small things in life which makes us happy, for example,
- Cuddling our sweet pet,
- Getting up early morning and finding a 'Good morning, sweetiepie' message from our dear ones :),
- Catching up with a friend and chatting for hours over a coffee (okie, caffein kick to be precise!),
- Getting drenched in Rain (wooooooooooow),
- Having Yummy Road side Pani puri,
- Lying down on the terrace with some dear friends and chatting till late night,
- When ur dear one enters your house on ur birthday at night 12 and wishes you happy birthday!! (Yes, Mrs Roy did that to me :D),
- Taking out our old album and recollecting all the memories behind each snap,
- Window shopping for hours without getting bugged (like how i go almost every friday with my sh Nisu to our friday temple (yep, its FORUM) and commenting on the same old things with the same old comments :D).
- Getting a hug from someone when u badly need it (even thru sms, muahs and hugs will do ;-))
- Some one close dedicating a song 2 u in radio (again Mrs Roy :D)
- Reading some good book with a cup of tea, sitting by your window when its raining outside :D
Wow, the list just goes on!! just thinking these things is making me come out of my monday blues and making me realize life is so beautiful :)
Lemme go back 2 work :) Have a great day!